Yin and Yang
 
no-one will read it anyway....  
line decor
  HOME    
line decor
 
 
Weblog

People have been writing in diaries and committing their thoughts to paper for as long as the written word has been with us. It's said that writing down one's thoughts can be theraputic and, just as dreams are supposed to be an unconscious ordering of the mental 'filing cabinet', conscious writing also supposedly helps to clarify and organize one's thoughts and feelings.

I hesitated before creating this blog but probably (fortunately!) no-one will read it anyway. Internet sites have become the modern equivalent of diaries and have proliferated to the point where the number of them on the Web almost guarantees anonimity. Anything I write here is really for me anyway rather than being aimed at a third party. It's the therapy I need, not the publicity or notoriety. Why not simply write in a diary then...? I don't know. I just find it easier putting this stuff on 'my' website and having it stored electronically rather than using paper. In a number of years, if I'm still alive, it will be an interesting exercise to look back on my feelings about 'life, the Universe and everything' to see how they have changed. They almost certainly will have as I know only too well that many of my attitudes, fears, concerns and beliefs are fundamentally different now than when I was a very young man. Age and experience changes one's outlook on life - and not always for the better. I am considerably more cynical and far less idealistic now than when I was 21. I have lost my religious faith, I am much more argumentative and objectionable and I have compromised, capitulated, broken pledges and 'interpreted' rules to the point where I no longer believe that I can claim to be a thoroughly 'good' man. Don't misunderstand, I'm as moral and upstanding as most people and better than many people I've encountered, but over the years, I've started to fall short of my own expectations and my self-image has undoubtedly suffered. On the upside, I believe I'm more passionate, committed and determined (or do I just mean stubborn?) now than a decade or two ago. Maybe further changes - good or bad - will become apparent as my blog unfolds.

If anyone does read this, there will be attitudes which they may agree with and, without doubt, other opinions which they will vehemently disagree with. I don't care; as I've already said, this exercise is to exorcise (isn't the English language wonderful!) the vitriol in me, not to enter into a debate with a stranger. So, here goes - in no particular order...........

(Click here or scroll further down for current thoughts)

 

Things I've learned and words of wisdom

There was a time when I'd only ever led a very sheltered life. I was so innocent it was dangerous for me to be out! In the second phase of my life, I've gone out of my way to experience the unusual, the risky, the whacky, the strange, the downright dangerous and reckless.....and these are some of the sayings I've come across which resonate and I know to be true along with some of my own thoughts..... Read more


Things which piss me off

There are almost too many to list and the number's growing. As the World gets closer and closer to disappearing around the u-bend, I find I'm becoming less and less tolerant of the nonsense we all have to put up with in our daily lives..... Read more


Things I love

Although it feels good to have a rant about things which wind you up, life's not all bad. Yin and Yang, black and white, good and bad..... there's balance between the extremes. For everything which has the potential to send me on a homicidal killing spree, there's something which balances it out which calms me, amuses me, fills me with joy, brings out my passion, makes me cry or just reaffirms my faith in Human nature ..... Read more


Superior Perspective

I've been on this planet for more than nine of their centuries.... Read more  


Lapdancing Clubs

Some people think these places are morally questionable..... Read more  


Alien Invasion

I REALLY hope there are aliens out there planning an invasion.... Read more  


The Itch

It’s an itch I can’t not scratch..... Read more  


My Hell

This is my Hell..... Read more


Global Warming

There's no doubt in my mind that we're fucking up this planet in a big way. Greed and consumerism has brought us, as a Species, to the point where our arrogance at being at the top of the food chain means that ..... Read more


Current thoughts

Been flying solo today over the stunning Lakeland scenery.

Then I went riding my horse and we really had fun jumping small fences. And I stayed on!!

Then I had a fantastic meal cooked for me followed by a cosy night in with the most beautiful woman I have ever known.

I feel strong, content, Alpha-male, happy and above all, fortunate.

Perhaps the God I often don't believe in doesn't hate me after all?

I've not felt like this for a long, long time. I'm beginning to get excited again about what the future holds; I'm beginning to plan. Life is good so I'm going to sign off and make the best of it. No point bitching and moaning about politics, Brexit, the ills and inequalities of the World, the hypocrisy of the power-brokers and the ruling Elite. Fuck it all. Fuck them all. 90% of people spawned by this planet will always be cunts anyway. Can't change it so I'm just going to create my own Universe. Entry by invitation only!

October 2017


R.I.P. Hugh Marston Hefner. The iconic, visionary, revolutionary, millionaire died 27th September aged 91.

Playboy undoubtedly changed my life and I have to admit, I didn't just read it for the articles! Haha!.

Started in 1953, the first issue featured nude pictures of Marylin Monroe which Hefner had acquired a few years earlier. From this a multi-billion dollar industry was formed and so no-one can doubt Hefner's entrepreneurial skills. However moral a view one wants to adopt and whether one regards him as a 'pornographer', no-one can doubt either that everything he achieved would have been impossible had there not been a demand and a desire for a publication such as Playboy. By publishing a magazine with a pair of breasts on its cover, Hefner started a revolution. “The magazine reflected hip, urban dissatisfaction with the stodgy conformism of the Eisenhower era,” wrote Steven Watts in the biography Mr Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American Dream.

Hugh Hefner once said "I wake up every day and go to bed every night knowing I'm the luckiest guy on the fucking planet." It makes one wonder..... if there is any such place as Heaven, what will Hugh Hefner's Heaven look like? Will it just be business as usual? We live in a world where we have Islamic nutters blowing themselves up for the promise of 'Paradise' and 72 virgins (which the Qur'an doesn't actually promise anywhere) and all the while, Hugh is living the dream in the Playboy mansion. Maybe I could form a new religion on the notion of 'goodness' being rewarded by a week or two surrounded by Playboy centrefolds and the afterlife being based on permanent residence in the Playboy mansion with a constant supply of new girls? I'd definitely be a convert to that church!!

Puritanism is as damaging as debauchery or Anarchy and Hefner (an intelligent man with a degree in psychology) once argued "Playboy is the antidote to puritanism".

Married 3 times and with 4 grown up children, its fair to say that Hefner lived life to the full. His second Wife was centrefold Kimberley Conrad (who I always thought was amazingly gorgeous and sexy) and they had 2 children together. She must have been something quite special to get the confirmed batchelor to remarry. So too his last Wife Crystal Harris who was 60 years his junior and he became a self-confessed devotee of Viagra. Some would say that his antics were pathetic but frankly, he was a man of his time and although he will always have his critics, I shall never be one of them.

Hefner has been laid to rest next to Marylin Monroe at Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetary in Los Angeles. Quite fitting I would say.

27th September 2017


Another day, another twat driving at 19 mph in a 40 limit when I'm trying to get to work. If you can't drive the vehicle, get the fucking bus you moron.

When will people and road safety campaigners begin to realise that it's not speed per se that causes accidents; it's poor judgement, indecision, lack of confidence and SHIT DRIVING! Going too slowly is as dangerous as going recklessly fast.

As unpopular as it would be, if I had my way, EVERYONE would have to retake their driving test every 3 years and it would be far more stringent than at present. It would involve driving a number of different powered vehicles, skid-pan driving, mototway driving, night driving etc etc. If you don't pass, you get one re-test. If you don't pass that, you don't get to take it again for 3 years. Use the bus, carpool, or walk but get your dangerous self off my fucking road! And as for cyclists, well don't even get me started; I'd prohibit any unpowered vehicle from using the road. They have no insurance, pay no road tax and yet the lycra-clad cunts with their go-faster helmets and their bulging calf muscles and their stupid little block shoes think they own the fucking road.

2017


Dear Facebook.....Please stop sending me messages telling me that I have more friends than I think. I know exactly how many friends I have and I could count them on the fingers of one hand even if I'd lost a digit or two to frostbite! You seem to be confusing the words "friend" and "acquaintance".

2017


We used to live in a country where you were presumed innocent until proven guilty.

Now we live in a country where you are guilty until proven rich.

2017


I like all sorts of music. I can draw something from it all.... Thrash Metal to Pop, Jazz to Classical, R&B to Country, Hip Hop to Trance/Dance/Club, etc., etc. It's all a question of mood.

One of my favourte genres at the moment is 'New Country'. I was comparing NC to R&B the other day in conversation with someone and it hit me that the fundamental difference between the two is that New Country ia about love whereas R&B is basically just about fucking! NC tells a story whereas R&B is often what one might call 'lyrically challenged'.

A short while ago , I was told that I am a bit like a Jazz number.... melodic for the mostpart but rather discordant in parts. Different, unique, improvised, complex and interesting but unpredictable and sometimes a little self-indulgent. Not everyone likes Jazz so I'm certainly not to everyone's taste.

The young Lady who described me thus was, I think, trying to be complimentary. Whether intended as a compliment or an insult, I'll go with it. I was flattered. I can live with not being to everyone's taste; not everyone's to mine!

2017


I haven't ridden a horse since I was a child. But 12 months ago, I got back into horse riding. I acquired a horse called Lady B - a big, beautiful, bay Mare with a fine lineage and pedigree. She had the kindest eyes I've ever seen in a horse and yet was wilful and strong and a little disobedient and so quite perilous to handle. I fell in love with her immediately. I thought I had a good idea of the commitment I was taking on but I was wrong. So wrong!!

A horse is like a big baby that never grows up. They are totally dependent on their owners. We've cross-bred them to the point where most breeds are not hardy enough to simply be turned out in a field 24/7 and look after themselves as they would in the wild. They need fly-repellant spray and fly rugs or they get bitten to pieces. They need turn-out rugs lest they get cold or wet. They need fleeces to wick the dampness away if they do get wet. They have different weights of stable rugs to deal with different temperatures. Their diet is a science in itself. They are prone to so many illnesses and conditions. They get Sweet Itch, Colic, Abscesses. 'Flu',or even Strangles. They get mudrash if they get too muddy, they can get Laminitis if they eat too much grass (I would once have laughed at the idea of a horse having too much grass), they get stressed; they windsuck and crib-bite as a sign of anxiety. They get spooked at the most innocuous things.... a wheelie bin, a traffic cone, a McDonald's bag blowing across the road. And their instinct is to RUN AWAY!!!!!! The fact that you are sat on a horse will not stop it bolting or doing something dumb if it gets scared and so you have to be ready for anything all the time or you'll end up picking yourself up off the ground and running to try to catch the silly thing! I've learned that already from painful personal experience!

Despite all of the above and despite the tiresome mucking out before and after work EVERY day and despite the inevitable decline in personal hygiene resulting from constant proximity to horseshit, I wouldn't change a thing. Lady B has been a saving grace for me. She has reinstilled a level of discipline in my life that was beginning to disappear. She has taught me that kindness pays. I've learned that to control a horse, you have to win their respect and their subservience. In the wild, these animals are herd animals; they group; they have a pecking order; and they have a leader. And you have to be their leader. In many ways, they're very similar to Humans.

Horses are absolutely the most magnificent creatures. They have amazing hearing and vision; they are SO physically powerful; child-like in some ways and yet incredibly aware and intelligent. A ton of bone and muscle with its own mind and with a predisposition towards willfulness and unpredictability is a far greater challenge than controlling an inanimate mechanical object such as a car or a plane. I've done a lot of male-andropause-type things in the last decade but, for me at least, jumping out of an aeroplane, flying aerobatics, throwing a racecar around a track, powering past a line of traffic on a motorbike, white water rafting etc., etc. come nowhere near the buzz I get from galloping on a horse. The power in the beast and the feeling of letting the horse have its head over uneven terrain really is an adrenalized experience which I would commend to everyone. And at the other end of the scale, gently grooming her as I watch her quietly munching away at her hay net in her box and hearing all the little noises she makes whilst I'm just brushing her is such a tranquil process, it's almost meditative.

I've had my fair share of teething problems with Lady B and I'm certainly not complacent enough to think that I've got her totally under control, but I would never want to. Part of the fun is being on the back of an animal that can revert to its primal/wild instincts literally at the drop of a hat!

The other thing I'm now convinced of is that horses are telepathic. Or at least so perceptive as to seem like they can read your mind. If I am in any way trepid or undecided, she picks up on that and becomes skittish. If I'm not in the mood to ride or have things on my mind, her attention wanders too and she's all over the place. If I'm down mood-wise, she seems to reflect that. So what I've learned is that I have to show total confidence, I have to clear my mind, I have to be my Alpha-male self and I have to have fun and then she is focussed and lively and 'connected' to me in a way that I wouldn't have thought possible a year ago.

Just a small selection of the plethora of Horse food supplements. It's like an equine 'Holland & Barretts'! I'm amused by "Stroppy Mare" for the hormonal mare!! Wonder if this works on Human females?

20th August 2017


Michael Howard, former leader of the Conservative Party (2003-2005) says we should go to war with Spain to protect the rights of Gibraltarians. Just like we did in the Falklands. Baron Howard is 76. I wonder if he would be calling for war if he were of an age where he was serving in the British military? I suspect not. Maybe the old coot is suffering from some sort of senility/dementia? It's the only valid excuse for such an outlandish proposal.

That's just what this country needs Michael. More tragic loss of young life from another ill-conceived, unjust, unnecessary armed conflict with a former European partner. Ridiculous.

Gibraltar is essentially a 2.6 square mile piece of rock which is largely a big military base. Taken by force from Spain by an Anglo-Dutch expeditionary force in 1704 and 'owned' by the Brits since 1713 it is a colonial anachronism of which we should be ashamed. It also is one of the primary routes for drugs coming from North Africa to the European mainland and was/is an offshore money centre which could be used as a tax haven (see "Gibraltar: a tax haven not a Nation" by Craig Murray). It's no more British that the Malvinas. For fuck's sake share sovereignty, drop the border and let the Spanish govern it. Don't take two countries to war (or even create a diplomatic spat) over the fact that the 32,000 population simply don't want to be taxed and governed like the rest of us. Gibraltar is more Spanish in terms of geography and culture than it is British and in this modern world, we have no moral claim over it. Let's stop living in the past.

If I were the Spanish Government and common sense doesn't prevail, I would just close the border. See how the Gibraltarians like that.

width="462"What a tosser!

Give GIbraltar to the Spanish. Better still, sell it to them!

13th June 2017


Anne Marie Morris, a female Tory MP uses the phrase "Nigger in the woodpile" when talking to a meeting about Brexit. She is immediately suspended by Theresa May and offers a grovelling apology. Opposition politicians are all over it calling for resignation/suspension and accusations of racism abound. The press are equally outraged and gleefully, continually refer to the "N-word" as if the very paper on which it's printed would spontaneously burst into flames if the actual word Negro or Nigger was used. Everyone, it seems is so disgusted and morally outraged and offended the World has almost stopped spinning on its axis. The usual suspects are almost 'Twittered' out, trying to condense their overwhelming disgust and condemnation into a single 'tweet'.

Listen, I get that racism is bad. And slavery was bad. But for fuck's sake, the degree of reaction to the use of a word and the apparent ease with which people seem to take offence absolutely baffles me. If you want to talk about being offended, let's get offended about the real ills of the World - child poverty, famine, war, greed and tryanny, corruption, the unequal distribution of wealth, or even the amount of tax I have to pay - not harsh language. There is no evidence at all that the MP in question is racist. Out of touch, insensitive and verbally clumsy for sure but it's not as though she said "I hate niggers" or was wearing a KKK T-shirt at the time is it? I'd have had more respect for her if she'd told everyone to fuck off and get a life rather than grovelling and trying to backtrack.

And another thing.... how come black people get to use the word nigger? I can't accept that a section of society can comandeer a word for their exclusive use. Surely denying the non-black population the right to use the word is s a form of racism itself? And who decided that I have to call a person of colour 'black'? So now there are words that I HAVE to use and others that I can't use?? Black people are actually some of the biggest racists when you come to think about it. They constantly bang on about being black and they are totally devisive and sectarian. From a DNA perspective, it has been proven that we're ALL black at origin so why the fuck can't we let this black and white thing go?

A while ago, Gwyneth Paltrow got herself in hot water for Tweeting the word "Niggas" when referring to a song title by Jay-Z and Kanye West with whom she is allegedly best friends. It's a fucking song title! But people are so quick to jump on the constantly rolling moral outrage bandwagon. I actually find Kanye West's talentless fame, his out of control ego and his style of hip-hop music considerably more offensive than a racial slur! Haha!

I'm not condoning the use of the word Nigger but I'm just saying that we should get a grip and remember it's just a word.

Dickhead!

Gwynie, Jay-Z and Kanye.....various degrees of over-priced and over-rated 'talent'.

12th July 2017


My thoughts last year on the morning after the 'Brexit' vote .

"Well Boys and Girls, that's it; we're officially royally fucked. The lunatics have indeed taken over the asylum. I hope that posh, faux-buffoon, self-promoting, Eton toff, Boris Johnson and that rictus-grinning, xenophobic, loon, Nigel Farage know what they've done and what sort of backwater, third-rate economy my Grandchildren will now be growing up in. As if they care?! These guys are in it for themselves and have more than enough money not to have to worry about the fact that their Beaujolais will soon cost twice as much as before.

BOJO - more like Bozo!What a tosser!

And the British People? Well one only has to pop out on a Friday or Saturday night to see front-line evidence of how absolutely dumb as dogshit most people are. This vote has proved it. Sun readers, racists, numpties and Daily Mail readers who are living in the past and still think Great Britain is in any way 'great' have come out in their droves to prove that Democracy doesn't work. As the old saying goes..... Democracy is a system where two idiots can out-vote one genius. The decision to come out of the EU has proved it,

There'll be some short-term consequences; Sterling will fall in value and the UK Stock Market will be a bit volatile (what's new?). But the more significant consequences will be more subtle and will grow over time. We are a net importer of goods and unless we want to live on potatoes and carrots that we grow in our own gardens, we will continue to import more than we export. Most of the energy companies are foreign-owned. Telecommunications too. Oil is traded in US Dollars and Sterling will be worth less against the Dollar so what do you think that will do to fuel prices?

But hey, we've got our 'sovereignty' back. Our 'independence'. Control of our borders. So fucking what? More than half of immigrants in 2015/16 came from non-EU countries.

This is indeed an historic day for the UK. We will now be (figuratively speaking) left out in the cold with our pants around our ankles - economically and socially. I believe it is the biggest single mistake this country has made since prosecuting an illegal war in Iraq, We will now all suffer the consequences. I hope I'm wrong about this but I have a very uneasy feeling.

And to everyone who voted to leave.... well you're entitled to your opinion. But so am I. And I think you're all fucking idiots."

24th June 2016


Corbo goes to Glasto to curry favour with thousands of popped-off-their-little-heads students, promising no tuition fees and £500 an hour for working at McDonald's. All politicians want to be pop stars and it would seem all pop stars want to be politicians. Despicable Jeremy.

7th July 2017


So...... in these days of austerity and a 1% Public Sector pay cap....... A set of replacement doors for the orangery at Windsor Castle cost £1.2Million, new royal accounts show. The 20 bespoke doors (that's £60,000 per door so I assume they didn't get them from B&Q!) were installed on the East Terrace after the previous set suffered severe wood rot and decay. Figures show the monarchy also spent £1Million on ceiling inspections and £1.5m on food and drink hospitality within the royal households. Meanwhile, travel expenses for the royal family topped £4.5Million. The Queen has been granted a £6Million pay rise. Prince Andrew ('Air-miles Andy') has allegedly been around the World 4 times in the last year and pretty much the whole cast of the Royal Household has had a freebie holiday (or 5) at the direct expense of the Taxpayer and ordinary British people.

Windsor Castle

I don't want to sound dogmatically anti-Monarchy but I've heard all the arguments about how much the Royal Family bring into the country in tourism and trade deals etc etc and I'm unconvinced. No-one has ever put a specific figure on what is supposedly generated by the Royals. I think it's all bullshit and we could do without the lot of 'em. There's zero hard evidence that they generate anything at all and the Japs and the Yanks would probably still come over here just to take pictures of Buckingham Palace even without a current Monarch in place. And what about the minor Royals? Those bastards should be paying their own way but in addition to the estimated £345Million direct cost of supporting the Royal Family, there's the ever-increasing indirect cost of providing round the clock protection for the whole in-bred clan.

The keeper of the Privy Purse argues that the amounts involved equate to just 65pence per head of population in the UK and that the Royals are good value. Well he would, wouldnt he? But his mathematical skills are about as accurate as Diane Abbott's (60 something million people x 65p doesn't come close to equating to the cost of the Royals) and I don't care how you break down the maths to justify it, £60Grand a door x 20 doors is fucking outrageous for what is essentially a second home.

If this degree of profligacy continues, there will be a reckoning in this country. I hope I'm wrong about that but people's frustration at the obscene unequal distribution of wealth is getting stronger and the revolutionary undertones are growing. I dont condone it but I can certainly understand it.

4th July 2017


Well, I'm back! Over 3 years and I haven't felt motivated to post anything, write anything, create anything. Not a single thing. My soul has been trapped; snared; suppressed. I've been off the reservation; distracted by the vacuous; the superficial. I thought I was above all that but one should never think too highly of oneself. Pride comes before a fall. And I have truly fallen. I'm a shadow of my former self as I was pointlessly chasing something that I now realise never really existed. It was a fiction; a daydream. I thought what I was chasing was special. I wouldn't have abandoned my life otherewise. But I mis-judged; I was SO wrong. I tried my best to make it work but I failed to bridge the gap. And now I'm glad I'm back on my side of that gap as it was a period of profound unhappiness and it was beginning to damage me. I was becoming someone that I didn't like at all. A weak Man. A despicable Man. An empty Man. Stressed and unwell. But it has been an education. I have always maintained that a Man is, at any stage in his life, the sum of his experiences. All experiences, good or bad, shape us into what we are. The last 3-4 years have been a learning experience for me (to say the least!). That wasted time has not been entirely negative as it has reminded me what is really important in my life and shown me, with more clarity than I've ever had, what I desire and need...... and what I need is actually what I already previously had and stupidly turned my back on. Complacency is a behaviour I shall never be guilty of ever again in my life.

In the last couple of months, I've partially got my life back and I've started to feel happiness again. It's an unfamiliar feeling. Strange but exciting. I don't think I've ever been as deeply unhappy at any other time in my life than I have in the last few years but I didn't really realise the extent of my unhappiness until I found the resolve from somewhere to draw a line, cut the toxic ties and slowly but surely start to be me again. The vase has been dropped and broken. But the pieces can be gathered up and glued back together. It may never look quite as perfect as it did before it was repaired, but it is still a vase. It can still hold the water. And it can actually be stronger than before it was broken. I shall never again allow it to be dropped and smashed. What I had for over 3 years was a sieve not a vase. With hindsight, I realise it wasn't capable of holding anything. It would always end up empty no matter what I poured into it. Love, blood, money, hope, heart and soul, plans and dreams, truth, sacrifice, commitment, all would just drain away through the mesh; wasted; lost.

But there will be no further mention of what I shall now categorise as the 'wilderness years'. I have shed a skin. I am a different person. Closer to the one I was a decade ago (who I quite liked) but older; maybe wiser? Scarred but not damaged.

My brain feels like it's been deprived of oxygen but it's waking up. My heart is starting to beat again. My soul had almost faded from existence but is growing back into my Universe. I am recovering and getting stronger by the day. NFGDWLACPMD.

27th June 2017


Have you ever been accused of something you didn't do and found yourself unable to prove it wasn't you? It's never happened to me before and, until it does, you just think "Fuck it. I know it wasn't me so who cares what others think?" Easy right?? NO!

When the accusation comes from someone you feel strongly about and when there's some (albeit circumstantial) evidence to suggest that it might be you, it's a different ball game altogether. When you know you're innocent but when all you can do is continually, pathetically and ineffectually profess your innocence like a mantra, over and over and over; when you ask the person to believe you (and naively expect them to do so as you know you would believe them if the roles were reversed) but you come to realise that they just don't have the faith in you that you would want them to have, it is,' trust' me, one of the worst feelings you can ever experience. Emotions run riot - helplessness, frustration, indignation, anger, bitterness and a deep and pervading sense of loss for the trust that you thought was there but which has seemingly evaporated (or was never there to start with?).

All sorts of Hollywood scenarios unfold in your mind - give me a lie detector test, inject me with the truth serum sodium pentothal, waterboard me. Hurt me enough to prove to yourself that this wasn't me! Then there's the conspiracy theories.... I'm being set up in some way; the victim is doing this themselves and blaming me; someone else is doing it knowing that I'll be prime suspect. You begin to look at everyone differently and paranoia sets in and grows. You start to see Machiavellian plots and schemes at every turn. In fact, the lack of trust becomes contagious and you begin to lose faith in your accuser as you simply can't understand why they can't see the truth.

I've never really appreciated how important trust is to me. Of course, I want to be seen as someone with intergrity by the rest of the World but I am perfectly capable of ignoring the rest of the World if they don't understand me. Trust from a loved one though is an entirely different matter. Someone who you have opened up to; someone you've shared your most intimate thoughts with; someone who is supposed to feel about you the way you feel about them and is supposed to trust you unconditionally. When THAT person doesn't believe you, it really, really hurts. It feels almost like a bereavement as the person who you thought had faith in you is gone forever.

Trust is a strange human concept. It's hard to actually define it. It's a nebulous belief that a person will always behave in a particular fashion towards another and that their behaviour will never be intended to cause harm. That they will, in essence, be true to their word and not do anything to hurt you. It is an extremely fragile belief structure, however, as it seems that trust built up over a long period can simply be totally wiped out by one single misunderstanding. Once it's gone, does it ever really come back? I hope so, but I have my doubts.

A friend of mine was once accused of a crime and actually charged by the police. He hasn't got a criminal bone in his body but he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and was an easy and convenient suspect. His character, his integrity, his track record, his honesty all counted for nothing. His life was a living hell for over 2 years until the matter came before the court. He was totally innocent and was unanimously acquitted by the court but in the intevening period, he had lost his job and his reputation. The thing which really hurt, however, was that the person who was supposed to believe him and support him just didn't have the faith to do so. He is now divorced - all because of a false accusation and a lack of trust.

I know I'm a good man. I've no desire to hurt or damage anyone. Nor have I any wish to embarass or belittle or take advantage of anyone. I have no malevolence in me - least of all for someone who I have strong feelings for. I don't lie and I'm used to being believed, But not being believed or trusted is now beginning to ruin everything. There are times when life would be a lot simpler if one's head and one's heart were just capable of being unlocked, opened and read. You'd just have to be careful who you gave the key to!!

27th February 2014


Fat people - forget the gastric bands, Weight-watchers and hypnosis. Just stop fucking eating!

Those who are being cyber-bullied, turn off your Facebook page and switch off your laptop!

People who are offended by some of the puerile bollocks on TV - switch channels or turn it off!

Don't condemn something you haven't tried and never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes!  

13th October 2013


The manufactured, 3rd place, X-Factor boy-band One Direction have launched a new perfume. Fucking hell!

What is it with 'celebrities' launching their own branded fragrances? Everyone from Beckham to Lady Gaga to Coleen Rooney has their own perfume (which I'll bet serious money they wouldn't dream of wearing themselves but their marketing companies are selling off the stuff at over- inflated prices to the morons out there who feel a little closer to their idols every time they splash a bit of the branded piss-water on).

In my opinion, '1D' (as their fans, the 'Directioners' like to call them - I assume because there are 3 syllables in the word direction) are a bunch of immature, metrosexual, comparatively talentless wankers, but hey, what do I know? All those 10 - 12 year olds can't be wrong can they?

Harry Styles??? Why, oh why, are the British tabloid press so perversely fascinated by this spotty, teenage, hormone-driven little dweeb?

The only redeeming feature of what the boys (or their marketers) have decided to call their debut pong is that it's "Our Moment". Thank fuck they weren't optimistic enough to call it "Our Career" as I suspect that, relatively speaking, their career won't last but a moment.

16th September 2013


Vladimir Putin has put together a plan to avoid the Americans taking military action against Syria. Irrespective of the political points scoring involved in the whole thing and ignoring any East-West, former superpower rivalry, surely any diplomatic solution is better than bombing another country? I certainly think so.

Republican Senator John McCain (the 77 year-old, ex-Vietnam prisoner of war who comes from a long line of senior military family figures) believes that the USA's backing off from bombing another sovereign nation is a sign of weakness. He really hasn't yet embraced the concept of choosing NOT to exercise your might as a form of strength.

I hope that the Assad regime is co-operative enough on giving up chemical weapons to avoid any further World condemnation. Clearly everyone - especially the Russians and the Chinese - think it's more acceptable to kill hundreds of thousands slowly with conventional weapons!  

15th September 2013


Even worse than Gareth Bale, Cristiano Ronaldo at Real Madrid has signed a new £15 million per annum contract. Over £40 grand a day!!!! Meanwhile hospitals are lacking body scanners and children are dying the World over for lack of water and food. Don't give me the "Oh well, it's only a short career" bullshit; it doesn't justify it. FUCK Ronaldo, his agents, the directorship of Real Madrid, all the morons who follow football and turn a blind-eye to such travesties and anyone who doesn't agree with me that such amounts for nothing more than a performing monkey are truly obscene.

Come the revolution, Brother, greedy, grabbing bastards like Ronaldo will be up against a wall (along with celebrity chefs, hypocritical politicians and churchmen, soap 'stars', City investment bankers and anyone else who draws disproportionately against their true worth to society). Just load the fucking gun for me and line 'em up!  

15th September 2013


Gareth Bale has just been sold to Real Madrid for 100 million Euros (£85,000,000) in a World record deal. His wages will allegedly earn him £34 per minute (even when he's sat on the toilet or sleeping). Meanwhile, Premiership clubs in the UK have splashed out a record £630 million this Summer on transfers.

Gareth Bale seems like a nice enough lad and he's undoubtedly a good footballer but I can ABSOLUTELY FUCKING 100% GUARANTEE that he's not worth 85 million quid. No-one is!

Is it just me or do amounts like this seem a little obscene when viewed against the financial problems and inequalities of the World? Gareth's earning millions for kicking a ball while a good number of the people in this country haven't got a pot to piss in.

Meanwhile, I've just had to sell my car for cash to a dodgy used car dealer to make a (small) part-payment of my tax bill. Am I jealous of Gareth?..... well, maybe just a little, yes.

3rd September 2013


Syria - I have long held the view that we, (the 'free' World - i.e. 'The West', or NATO or whatever other arbitrary title we give to the block of countries who have traditionally colonised then raped and pillaged the under-developed countries of the World) should stay well out of the Middle East. Historical British, French and Spanish colonialism has had serious consequences in more modern times and, without doubt, American foreign policy, particularly since the end of WWII, has been directly or indirectly responsible for many of the World's conflicts and is, some would argue, the biggest single obstacle to World peace in our time.

Obama has said that the US must strike the Assad regime as deployment of chemical weapons in Syria is a threat to US National Security. I'm confused as to how that can possibly be (unless there's a reaaaallllly strong fucking wind blowing East to West!) It is interesting how, just like Pavlov's dog, the 'American People' start abandoniong their personal freedoms to the State (and even their ability to think straight) when the words "National Security" are mentioned. Fear is a great controller of the masses and governments know this.

The Russians have been warning against military intervention without a UN resolution - which they know won't be forthcoming as they (as permanent members of the UN Security Council and longstanding supporters of Assad's regime), along with the Chinese, will stubbornly veto any such resolution. They are selfishly trying to protect their own interests in the region and they have allegedly increased the supply of weaponry to Assad - all highly questionable but not at all out of step with the West arming Iraq during the Iran/Iraq conflict or the Mujahideen in Afghanistan when the Russians were in occupation (Ha! That worked out really well for the Russians didn't it?).

A senior UK Government spokesman said the other day that although any military strike on Syria would be "illegal" under International Law it would nontheless be "legitimate". What!?! How does that work?

The British Parliament's decision to reject Cameron and Hague's headlong rush into launching (as usual with the Americans) a military strike against Government forces in Syria is a sensible one and could almost (....almost"!) renew my faith in the democratic process. This, of course is a consequence of our being led into an illegal war in Iraq based on false (or falsified?) evidence of WMD by the war criminal turned Middle East Peace Envoy, Tony Blair.

Of course, no-one would support the use of chemical weapons but (call me a pussy) I'm also quite averse to the widespread use of mines, bombs, rockets and bullets and without doubt, both the government forces and the rebel forces in Syria have been guilty of atrocities in what is becoming a very dirty civil war.

The French are upset that the US haven't launched a strike yet. What's it got to do with them you might ask? Well, Syria was a French colony until 1946 and there are financial arrangements at stake here. I can't help thinking the whole thing (and I don't just mean Syria, I mean the whole of the West's involvement in the Middle East), is more about money, power, control of natural resources and strategic military positioning than Humanitarian issues.

Obama has now said that he will allow Congress to vote on whether a military strike is to take place but as they're all on a Summer break until 9th September, we'll just have to wait with bated breath to see whether the World's self-appointed moral guardians unleash some more 'shock & awe' on the Syrian regime. I can't help thinking that Congress might better direct its efforts into tackling child poverty in the USA as a recent report indicates that 1 in 4 children in the US is living in poverty see http://onpoint.wbur.org/2013/06/25/child-poverty-america . 

2nd September 2013


I don't know whether to be amused, perplexed or dismayed by the fact that the United Nations still operates as a 'big-boy' club. The very notion of a group which is supposed to work in a 'united' way which gives additional powers to the big 5 (USA, Great Britain, France, Russia and China) is contradictory, grossly unfair and undermines the credibility of the UN. It's an Orwellian situation of "everyone's equal but some are more equal than others".

 

1st Septemebr 2013


I'm currently in Spain. I've no money and I have a very sizeable unpaid tax bill back home in the UK. My relationships with those I love are unravelling, my self-esteem is evaporating, my financial position has deteriorated somewhat of late and I am, to say the least, in a bit of trouble - financially, practically and emotionally.

Should I be in Spain adding to my finacial woes? By all 'normal' reference points, almost certainly not. However, just before I booked the flight, I encountered a client whose only young Daughter had just died suddenly and shortly afterwards his Wife was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer for which the prognosis is not good. The client in question is, in my eyes at least, a good guy. What's that all about then? What sense is there to life? I may as well adopt a "fuck it" attitude to everything and get as much enjoyment in before the stroke or heart attack or aneurysm or lightening bolt or whatever the heck it is which may come out of the blue ends me. I clearly can't legislate against that shit - life is arbitrary and seemingly very, very unfair. I've been fortunate enough to enjoy more of the good things in life than most people but it can all be taken away in a heartbeat. Sometimes the fear of losing what you've been fortunate enough to be blessed with - love, Family, contentment - is totally debilitating.

Booking a flight and coming to Spain was a deliberate act of defiance - against the tax-man, the large part of the World which doesn't understand me, the god I don't think I believe in and an unpredictable existence I can't comprehend. Fuck 'em all.

7th August 2013


The CIA's World Factbook gives the world population as 7,021,836,029 (July 2012 est.) and the distribution of religions as Christian 31.59% (of which Roman Catholic 18.85%, Protestant 8.15%, Orthodox 4.96%, Anglican 1.26%), Muslim 23.2%, Hindu 15.0%, Buddhist 7.1%, Sikh 0.35%, Jewish 0.22%, Baha'i 0.11%, other religions 10.95%, non-religious 9.66%, atheists 2.01%. (2010 est.).

By my reckoning that means that more than 6 billion people on this planet are delusional enough to believe in an invisible friend in the sky and steadfastly refuse to accept the overwhelming evidence of God’s non-existence.

I can only conclude that this mass psychosis results from primitive thought processes formed at the dawn of Man’s early intelligence which have been genetically imprinted so powerfully that ‘faith’ (or wishful thinking as I would prefer to term it) cannot be negated by even the most compelling empirical evidence.

 

31st July 2013


Seems that the Church of England is a little embarassed about its investments. Not only do the C of E Commissioners manage assets of over £5.2 BILLION!!, they also invest in some highly questionable areas such as petrochemicals (BP). It's bad enough that they actually HAVE £5.2 Billion whilst hypocritically preaching charity and selflessness (and all the while still passing the collection plate round), but it now seems that their pension fund has invested in Wonga.com - a firm that Tony Soprano would have moral misgivings about being involved with!

It's good to know that the Church is practising what it preaches and ignoring mortal issues in favour of a more uplifting existence in the afterlife. Ha! (or do they know something they would never tell their congregation??)

Men of God? Do me a favour (and the Vatican is even worse!) They're a bunch of pompous, self-righteous, lying, hypocritical, shirt-lifting, kiddy fiddling bastards. If there was a god, he'd annihilate the lot of 'em.

27th July 2013


Joyous news that a healthy Male child has been born to William and Kate. 8lbs 6 oz eh? Episiotomy is a word which is likely to now feature in the Duchess's vocabulary. I'm so pleased that the future Head of State doesn't need to be troubled by inconveniences such as voting and democratic process to ensure his status; the Prince's breeding, after all, is what matters isn't it and hereditary privilege is a much better system than democratic elections don't you think? I'm sure the little rascal will grow up with an understanding and an empathy for the common UK citizen as I'm sure he will meet lots of ordinary people during his education and upbringing (?!?!); another Royal who will come to believe that the World smells of fresh paint! Still, what's one more mouth to feed on the Civil List? Let's just hope he doesn't grow up to be a King Joffrey (for 'Game of Thrones' afficionados).

23rd July 2013


So what have I learned whilst I've been away?

1. Companies, Corporations and the well-to-do don't pay taxes like the rest of us - (Amazon, Starbucks, Vodafone, Prince Charles & the Duchy of Cornwall, Tory MPs with blind trusts etc etc etc).

2. MPs appoint an independent body (populated with cronies and confederates) to determine that they should be given a £10,000 per annum rise - when everyone else is in fear of redundancy or facing a pay freeze - to lend credibility to their continuing to line their own pockets.

3. We continue to direct billions in foreign aid to countries (such as India) who don't need it and don't appreciate it, whilst driving home austerity measures at home.

4. Parliament has now 'risen' for the 6 week Summer recess. Presumably the Country will now grind to a halt. If it doesn't, it makes you wonder what the fuck these people do when Parliament is back in session!

5. Homosexual serial killers can now marry each other in prison. Unbelievable! They'll be letting them adopt kids next!

6. The World is still apparently driven by greed for money and power..... so disappointing.

Against the backdrop of hypocrisy, greed, selfishness, abuse of power and blatent self-interest which I see examples of every day, my pathetic little bubble of self-imposed morality is beginning to shrink and evaporate. Is there any point being moral and upstanding when the World seems to be going to ratshit?

20th July 2013


I see that Gazza's been at it again. Seems he drunkenly tried to smack his ex-Wife. It gives me absolutely no pleasure to say "I told you so" (see my blog 8th March 2013), Come to think of it, it gives me no pleasure to be right about Syria either or, indeed, the general behaviour of politicians (who seemingly think that they are deserving of a £10,000pa pay rise during these times of austerity.

8th July 2013


Been off-line for nearly a month. Been unwell. Truth be told, I've felt a bit ropey since December and that's far too long to give my immune system time to deal with whatever virus I'm suffering from. It could just be cumulative stress or it could be something more worrying......There's something deeply wrong. Oh shit! I'm dying and there's so many things I've not done with my life! Such a waste!!

Hold on a minute. Let's be rational about this. I know I've not been impregnated with Polonium 210 by Russian agents or been abducted and fiddled with by Aliens. Why not just get a blood test and a physical?

Tests of all sorts ensue. I give so much blood I begin to think I'll need a transfusion. I think there were eleven seperate vials of blood not to mention urine and sputum. I'm tested for EVERYTHING! I feel guilty about every unit of alcohol I've drunk, every occasional cigarette I've been coaxed into having and every episode of drug experimentation (all in countries where it's legal of course!) which I've tried, feeling sure that it will all show up in my blood like a radioactive marker. Every aspect of my blood chemistry is looked at in detail - potassium, iron levels, cancer-markers, Platelets, white blood count, immunology, microbiology, STIs, PSA/prostate, cholesterol, etc, etc. I also have a chest x-ray, a stress ECG, lung capacity test, an optical scan etc, etc, etc.

I await the results anxiously (convinced I'm on my way out and hoping my best friend doesn't get his wish and get to lie to everyone when he's doing the eulogy at my funeral that Des O'Connor's "Dick-a-dum-dum" was my favourite record of all time)..... When the results arrive, it seems that all readings are totally normal and I am in perfect health. Healthy and clean as a newborn. So why do I feel so shitty?.... wait a minute... I'm actually feeling a little better....

A day or two later I feel totally back to normal (after 4 months)! Coincidence? Or was my mind just messing with me and now that I have irrefutable proof that there's nothing wrong with me the game's up?

The Mind is an incredibly powerful tool. Harnessed in the correct way it can make you a super-hero. Its chemical factory can produce pain-killing, euphoric, hallucinogenic cocktails much more effectively than anything which can be synthesised in a lab; it can inspire confidence and suppress fear; its capabilities are limited only by the physical limitations of the body to which it's attached (and even then, it can convince you you're capable of more than your body can handle).

However, if your Mind becomes your enemy, it can play, subconsciously, on all of your fears, insecurities and past failures; it can create symptoms of imaginary illnesses; it can, in short, totally fuck you up! I don't know what I did to upset it but I think my Mind's been doing exactly that.

It's nice to have my mojo back

4th May 2013


I have to admit that occasionally I can get a bit overbearing and bombastic (or so I've been told). I'm only a moderately well-educated Man but I have read a bit too (my Grammar School English teacher (of all things, a Welshman), gave me an appetite for reading). It amazes me that I routinely use words which my fellow citizens seem not always to comprehend. "Bereft", "Facetious", "Ephemeral", "Entropy", "Entheogen", "Pulchritudinous", "Bellicose", "Ubiquitous" to name but a few. Admittedly, some of these are words more commonly heard in Victorian times but, to use a modern acronym... WTF!? Why can't we retain the use of such words and enrichen the language?

I'm sick to death of moronic, mono-syllabic, faux-Jamaican, abbrieviated, gutter-speak. It's not a "quote" you illiterate knob-head, it's a "quotation". "Quote" is a verb, not a noun! Also, the word is "This" ... not "Dis". Is your tongue stud preventing you from forming the word properly?

I'm often told that English is a 'living language'. However, it seems to me that most of the new words which are being adopted have fewer syllbles than the words which fall out of fashion. In due course, we will undoubtedly degenerate to the point where our spoken language consists of nothing more than monosyllabic grunts. After that, we can go back to daubing paint on the walls of our caves!

7th April 2013


Just had a very nice meal with Family members but I downed beer and then two bottles of red wine to myself (although I behaved impeccably - I think - throughout Dinner).

I'm now back at home and there's a small, quarter bottle of cooking wine in the kitchen which I'm eyeing-up. I think I may be bordering on alcoholism. Those who know me think I'm past "bordering" and I've taken up full-time residence in my cups! I'm finding it difficult to prove them wrong. Unpaid Tax bills, health concerns, Family issues, work-related stress and the constant underlying frustration of life passing by too quickly can all be (temporarily) alleviated by sufficient red wine. It's just unfortunate that reality inevitably comes crashing back.

Panic is rife amongst my brain cells as none of them know which ones I'll be killing off tomorrow!

6th April 2013


Apparently, as of today, North Korea is at war with South Korea and the 30 year old North Korean leader is ready to unleash a nuclear arsenal on the Americans.

Can someone please get me some of the drugs that Kim Jong-un is taking!

We're fucked

30th March 2013


Racism raises it's head again in football. This time it's on the international stage in the England v San Marino game. FARE (Football Against Racism in Europe - is there an organisation for everything these days?!?) say that they've reported "racist singing" against Rio and Anton Ferdinand to the authorities. There was no explicit racism but the fact that these two were singled out and that they're of mixed race means that the self-appointed moral guardians of FARE have deemed the actions of a few England fans to be racially offensive. A spokesman for FARE did admit that the racism was "subtle" but held fast to the view that it's how it's recieved and interpreted that determines whether it's racist. What a statement!.... this effectively means that if you say anything of a derogatory nature to someone who is not 100% caucasian, it can essentially be deemed a racist attack.

I have to say that I think this has all gone too far. Have these people never heard of the old "Sticks and stones..." saying? Seeing racist abuse everywhere is getting like the' Reds under the bed' paranoia of the McCarthy era. We need to get a grip. Football supporters are not known for their intellectual prowess. Maybe, the supporters in question were simply poking fun at Rio Ferdinand because he'd snubbed the chance to play in the England team in favour of commentating on the match for Al Jazeera? Quite probably, there's still a bit of anymosity surrounding the earlier John Terry/Anton Ferdinand farce involving racist abuse, (or maybe the Ferdinand brothers are an easy target because they're thought of as rich, spoiled, ego-centric tosspots).

True racism is abhorrent to me and there is clearly no place for it in any developed society but over-sensitivity, positive discrimination and having an ethnic 'chip' on one's shoulder is equally damaging to society. I suspect that the Ferdinand brothers are bigger racists themselves than most of the in-bred dimwits singing the offensive song, simply because, when they wake up each morning, they identify themselves as part of the discriminated-against minority rather than just part of normal society.

Of course Rio's been at it again on Twitter decrying the actions of the racists. The guy's about as articulate as a table leg but he really does like tweeting, bless him.

In my opinion, the term "mixed race" is a contradiction. We're all one race. One day, maybe we'll develop and evolve enough to live together and respect each other in the way we should. However, I'm not holding my breath.

30th March 2013


It's hard not to see the UK like this these days..... Economically, socially and intellectually.... We're SCREWED! I reluctantly have to accept (but others don't seem to want to know) these are the last days of the Empire. We've had a good run but it's almost over. A few years more.... I intend to adopt the Epicurian approach to the 'bunker days'.

We're fucked

29th March 2013


"It's impossible to fully know anyone, even those we love most. Even a serial killer might help an old lady across the street" - Steven King - December 2009

Am I a good man who occasionally does bad things or a bad man who most of the time does good things? Is 'good' or 'bad' determined by proportion or by the severity of the extreme? If I'm a philanthropist for 99% of my life and change many people's lives for the better does that redeem me from the one crime of passion? If I kill 1000 people in the pursuit of a worthy cause, am I still a good man (as surely, what's worthy is also subjective)?

I think I just sank a little further into the quicksand. Most of the time I don't even notice the descent; it's like hanging under a parachute - there's a period where there's no sense of motion.  But just occasionally, there's a bump in the airflow and you know you're going down. The stuff I'm stuck in is thick and my envelopment is slow but there's no-one around to throw me a rope or pull me out and no-one is likely to find me out here in the desert of my mind. I don't remember how I got here but I know now that there's no rescue. My end is inevitable - the only variable is the rate of descent.

22nd March 2013


Give the Falklands back to Argentina. There is no justification for us 'owning' territory which we cliamed in 1833 and which is more than 13,000 KM away from the UK.

While we're at it, we should give Gibraltar back to the Spanish.

9th March 2013


Apparently, Paul Gascoigne is out of rehab in America and has vowed never to touch a drink again. Do me a favour; if that bloke goes teetotal, I'll show my arse in Burton's window! Gazza is simply weak and self-pitying. He's been an exceptional footballer but he seems to be a piss-poor human being. The number of people supporting him is no real reflection of his worth (yes, all those people can be wrong). The Sun (a poor excuse for a newspaper on a good day) called for a donation to be made to our Gazza's medical treatment by all of the current Premiership footballers. I have to be honest - even if I'd been earning a Wayne Rooney-like £250,000 a week, I wouldn't have contributed a penny. Where's the goddamn support for all the non-celebrity addicts? Why is Gascoigne a more worthy cause? How many 'ordinary' alcoholics get to go to Arizona for rehabilitation?? He'll fall off the wagon again without doubt and, just like that tosser George Best who criminally pissed away a liver donation (which he wouldn't have ever got if not for his celebrity status) he'll just drink himself to death and needlessly throw away his life and his talent. Such a waste.

Before and after

I read a study a while ago which suggested that people fall into 3 categories - Addictive personalities, obsessive personalities (that's me) and 'others'. It went on to state that the 'others' totalled approximately 30 percent of the population which means the remaining 70 percent of us is either prone to addiction or obsession. Who's having a whip-round for me? No-one, that's who. I've got to deal with my problems myself.

8th March 2013


Never underestimate the theraputic and medicinal qualities of alcohol! (or green tea)

Much later on 7th March 2013


David Cameron and George Osborne are, they would have us believe, made of strong stuff. After he and George disgracefully tried to defend bankers bonuses yesterday, Cameron made a speech today very reminiscent of the Thatcher "The lady's not for turning" speech. According to Dave, "There is no alternative" to the current austerity measures. Being Eton educated you would think that Dave would realise that there's always an alternative. You can't say " I had no alternative but to do....whatever" ; of course you have an alternative - don't do...whatever! What he means is he's made his mind up and is too fucking stubborn (and, as a millionaire, is totally personally unaffected by his own intransigence) to change his mind even in the face of mounting pressure from a cross-party group of MPs.

Meanwhile, Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne is in the middle of an unseemly spat with the out-going Governor of the Bank of England, Mervyn King. Mervyn thinks that the sell-off of the taxpayer-owned Bank of Scotland group is being handled badly and he's also one of the authoritive voices calling for an easing of austerity measures. Mervyn was fairly subtle in his criticism but, reading between the lines, he thinks Osborne's a cunt. Seems me and Merv have something in common then.

Cams,  Ozzy & Willy - bum-chums to the wealthy, the powerful and the captains of industry. 3 spolied, out-of-touch, millionaires who have no more idea how to relate to the majority of voters in this country than I can relate to a tramp living in a cardboard box in a sewer pipe.

Late on 7th March 2013


So... my mate William Hague announces that we are sending further aid (and hasn't yet ruled out sending weapons) to the opposition forces in Syria (but only to the 'good' opposition forces of course, not those nasty, pseudo-al qaeda opposition forces - in other words, we're supporting the ones who the West might be able to use to their own ends when Assad is deposed). What the fuck is going on? Don't we have enough problems domestically without continuing to interfere in other nation's issues? We've done this before in Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya and we keep making the same mistakes over and over. Forget the obscene cost of the aid, it's just fucking WRONG.

Of course, the UK continues to act as the USA's lapdog and Hague's announcement comes shortly after a visit from the new US Secretary of State, John Kerry (who probably wrote Hague's speech for him). Kerry has just today been berating the Russians for providing aid to the Assad regime so the only conclusion I can draw is that Mr Kerry is a total fucking hypocrite.

I know that we owe our American cousins a lot and that, almost certainly, we'd all be speaking German here in England if not for their (rather late) intervention in WWII - (and WWI come to think of it) - (but given the relative state of the UK versus the German economy, it might not have been a bad thing had we lost!). However, I think the time has come to just tell the Americans to fuck off. They've got their own domestic social and economic problems and they could address them at a stroke if they redirected some of their defense budget (711 billion dollars in 2011).

However, I need to be careful when criticizing American foreign policy, I don't want to hear a drone over my house!

7th March 2013


Rumi (or to give him his full name Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Balkhī ) was a 13th Century Persian poet, theologian, Sufi mystic and philosopher. Many of his pronouncements and quotations are as relevant today - over 8 centuries later - as they would have been then. His Love poems in particular show that, when it comes to relationships, nothing has really changed for nearly 1000 years. There are hundreds of his sayings and quotations recorded and many have been adopted or paraphrased by modern figures in the West. Makes one wonder... is there any more original thought? Are the social, religious and political problems fundamentally different now to how they've always been or are they essentially the same? Maybe the basic issues in life surrounding love, interacting with others and coping with our fears and mortality are timeless.

I've put one or two of my favorite Rumi quotations below. The "lip of insanity" is my permanent address these days!

“I want to see you.
Know your voice.
Recognize you when you first come around the corner.
Sense your scent when I come into a room you've just left.
Know the lift of your heel,
the glide of your foot.
Become familiar with the way you purse your lips
then let them part,
just the slightest bit,
when I lean in to your space and kiss you.
I want to know the joy of how you whisper
"more!”

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. ”

“I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens...
I've been knocking from the inside.”

“Study me as much as you like, you will not know me, for I differ in a hundred ways from what you see me to be. Put yourself behind my eyes and see me as I see myself, for I have chosen to dwell in a place you cannot see.”

“Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious. ”

“Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ”

“This being 'human' is a guest house. Every morning is a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all. Treat each guest honorably. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond”

Read more Rumi by clicking HERE

5th March 2013


REALLY.........MUST............GET..........MY... HEAD.............FROM....UP....MY....ARSE!

It's really dark up here and I'm running out of air.

13th February 2013


A debauched night out recently was as 'interesting' as it was enjoyable but it has left me feeling even more restless, confused and unsettled than usual. Perhaps I'm just coming down with something (or maybe I'm just coming down!)

I feel like a spider in the bath - I don't know how I got there and my instinct is to just keep trying to climb the sides. I get tantalizingly close to the top and then gravity takes over and I slide back to the bottom only to start all over again. Just call me Sisyphus!

I'm beginning to wish someone would turn the tap on and flush me down the plug-hole!

1st February 2013


Me and my new girlfriend (Leeds 2012). When in Rome.....

24th January 2013


I often ask friends and acquaintances (or even total strangers if I get desperate!) "What is money?!" Usually I'm met with a blank stare (if they don't understand the question) or a condescending smile as if I'm just trying to start another unnecessary debate. The question is a genuine one though and It is something which troubles me.... what actually IS money?? We've clearly moved on from bartering or exchanging goods and services and have even progressed (partially, but not totally***), beyond attaching abitrary value to shiny metal and polished glass which we dig out of the ground (as most Western economies don't actually have any meaningful gold reserves now). The paper promissory notes most countries use as currency have no intrinsic value and the current 'austerity measures' - prompted by the fact that everyone has now apparently simultaneously woken up to the realisation that all developed nations are spending more than they earn or produce (but only, of course, by reference to the arbitrary measue of currency backed up by the aforementioned promissory notes which have no real value) - could be halted at a stroke by either writing off the debt or printing more notes. In small measure, that's already happening (Quantitative Easing in the UK, but central banks have been doing the same thing the World over).

The current World debt crisis is just plain daft. It's a pure fabrication. I just read a newspaper article today which says it all....

" American politicians are considering creating a $1Trillion platinum coin which the US Treasury would pay to itself with the aim of reducing the country's monumental debt.

Treasury Secretary Timothy Gelthner has the authority to mint platinum coins in the denomination of his choosing. The proposal would involve the Treasury minting the coin and depositing it into its own account at the Federal Reserve, allowing the Government to write down or cancel $1Trillion of its $16.4Trillion debt.

Economist and Nobel prizewinner Paul Krugman said "This is all a gimmick but since the debt ceiling itself is crazy - allowing Congress to tell the President to spend money then tell him he can't raise the money he's supposed to spend - there's a pretty good case for using whatever gimmicks come to hand."

Daily Mail (UK) 8th January 2013

Why fuck about with a $1Trillion coin? Why not mint a $16.4Trillion coin? Better yet, mint a $20Trillion coin which will leave a bit over to fund an attack on Syria or Iran .... Also, why use platinum? It seems a bit extravagant; a bit of wood or plastic would surely do? Perhaps a 'promise to pay the bearer' $20Trillion scribbled out on the back of an empty packet of Marlboro Lites? Maybe I could even suggest they consider minting 2 coins and using one to solve the World's famine and poverty problems so I'm not continually being exposed to the emotional blackmail of being asked to pledge £2 per month to a myriad of different (often self-serving) charities every other fucking TV advert to help the starving!

It all sounds like a joke but it's not. The monetary system on which National and International economies are based is absolutely fucking bonkers. Unfortunately, while the moneymen, the politicians and the powerbrokers are playing these stupid games, real people are losing their livelihoods and are genuinely struggling. Try as I might to see some hope for the future, the view that modern society is completely insane keeps on getting reinforced.

*** the diamond ring on my Wife's hand is an indication that we have not yet developed to the point where we've lost our primitive and illogical attraction to shiny, sparkly things.

9th January 2013


Things I've learned in 2012 :

Don't try to cut your own hair when you're drunk.

Assume everyone's an asshole until they prove otherwise.

Don't argue basic physics with traffic cops who pull you over for speeding ("You won't get there any faster, you know." "Well, actually, officer, I really will.") It doesn't go down well!

If someone asks you to pick the red pill or the blue pill (a la Matrix), surprise them and take 'em both.

Hovering helicopters in a strong wind is really tricky.

Talking to the dog is sometimes more fulfilling than talking to the owner.

Family will keep you sane.

There are two types of 'strong' - physiological and psychological. One without the other still means 'weak'. I'm still working on it.

4th January 2013


More insightful thoughts from the late George Carlin. If he were still alive, I'd vote for him as supreme World leader!

3rd January 2013


I transition into 2013 as unfit and out of condition as I have been at any other time in my life. I also find myself more despondent about the way the World is going than at any time previously. Is this the effect of age or are the actions of the few who control us just getting more and more despicable?

Despite my mood, I've had quite a good Christmas break and yet the feeling of restlessness persists. I've got to get religion, man! (but by "religion", I clearly don't mean conventional, church-going, holy book-punching, jingoistic, sectarian, dogmatic, traditional religion - I simply need a cause or a target. Just some fucking direction!!!)

I'm going to get myself back into shape physically and mentally.

I'm also determined to be 'nice' to people this year (rather than my usual confrontational self) but I'm challenged by the apparent number of COMPLETE ASSHOLES out there. Anyway, I'll do my best.

1st January 2013


An early New Year's resolution.

26th December 2012


How important is the past? It shapes me, but it's gone and I cannot change it. I should look to what happens tomorrow and beyond but what's gone before still haunts me. Do animals in the field think about tomorrow and yesterday? No... and that seems quite comforting but do I want to be one of the cattle? Of course not! The past overlays itself on the present and influences my behaviour. If I could expunge certain parts of my past and enhance other parts, I'd be a superhero.

20th November 2012


Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius - one of the first 'stoic' philosophers. You can't really fault the logic of the approach, can you?

20th November 2012


Click here to go to all my (earlier) CURRENT THOUGHTS (is that a contradiction? They were current when I had them but I had 'em earlier)


 
 
   

© Paul Squires 2008 - 2017  - all opinions are 'tongue-in-cheek' and are not intended to offend.I truly believe, as the title says - "no-one will read it anyway".