"Meme" as in internet meme; Nobody seems to quite know what a 'meme' is but it's being used for anything that appears on any type of digital media even if there's no theme to it. Some silly tart whose newborn's photo has gone 'viral' (another word I'm coming to hate) said that her baby was born "meme-ready"! God help the child if that's the mentality of the Mother.

"Reach out". No-one simply contacts another person these days; they "reach out". I am constantly being petitioned to "reach out" if I require help or after-sales service. Sky News and multiple journalists state that they have "reached out" to such-and-suchabody for comment. It's like I'm living in a fucking Godfather movie or Sopranos episode. I'm actually going to reach out and strangle the next fucker who uses the phrase "reach out".

"Impact" or "impacted". Used regularly these days to mean "affected". Everything is "impacted" by something which actually mildly affects it. Sounds SO dramatic though to say IMPACT rather than 'affect' doesn't it?

"Entrepreneur" (everyone's a fucking self-proclaimed 'entrepreneur' these days - even a self-employed window cleaner or the bloke selling baked potatoes down the market. I blame shite programs like Dragon's Den and The Apprentice with that little shit Alan Sugar - a jumped up barrow-boy who has more failed businesses behind him than I've had hot dinners - and he's the Government's 'Business Czar! - add "Czar" to the list);

"Drop" as in the new album has just 'dropped' (apparently the word 'drop' is now deemed an adequate substitute for 'released'. If I drop something it usually breaks. Who decides we are going to start using these words in a different sense to how they've been used traditionally? and isn't it interesting that the words that come into use as substitutes for conventional words always seem to have less syllables?

"Hack" as in hack your life/skills/routines. "Try this life-hack for 14 days and guaranteed success will follow"; "Hack your workouts and get a sixpack in 10 days". Do me a favour! As far as I can tell, "hack" now means "change for the better" as opposed to break into someone's computer or software program.

"Lockdown". Everyone seems to be living in their own Hollywood movie these days. It's all Drama. Anyone acting in a slightly antisocial way and before you know it, everything is in 'lockdown' from schools to towns to offices to cinemas to shopping centres. "Lockdown" sounds just so.... American hype-ish. It grates on my nerves. Why can't they simply say "residents have been prevented from leaving for safety reasons"? Or "No-one is being allowed to go beyond the police cordon"?. But, no....it sounds so much more dramatic to say the town is in 'lockdown'. It just fucking irritates me. (2020)

Click here for more

I try never to break them although I have to admit to having done so (although very rarely) before today. I hate myself if I don't live up to a promise but one shouldn't make promises unless there is a firm resolve to honour them. Too many people seem promise and never deliver or simply don't accept how binding a promise should be.

I actually don't get it. I was in a bar in Manchester a while ago and there were some actors from one of the TV Soaps in there (Coronation Street, I thiink, but I'm not sure because I try not to watch any of that shit). They were treated like VIPs and everyone wanted to get a look at the 'stars' of the small screen and get an autograph. Give me a break. They're just doing their jobs like the rest of us. Why is it that someone who's on TV all of a sudden acquires 'celebrity' status? I'm not saying that some actors aren't talented but there are a lot of other people in different walks of life who are as talented or more so and often do much more vital work (health, education, policing, medical research etc) but we don't acknowledge them as we should. Oh, no... we acknowledge and celebretise the talentless, self-promoting, Reality TV, ex-druggie, trans-gender, urban poet or the brainless tart who inevitably (usually after about 2 minutes) gets her tits out on Big Brother, shags one of the other wannabe housemates and then sells her story to OK Magazine.

I heard recently that Simon Cowell was in line for a Knighthood for his services to entertainment! That just about says everything which needs to be said about how screwed up we've now become by the notion of celebrity. Of course, I don't know Simon Cowell and he might be a really nice chap. On the other hand, he could (as is claimed by some) be an arrogant, egotistical, power-hungry, money worshipping little twat who stole the original idea for X-Factor and Britain's Got Talent and uses those shows to 'entertain' us by parading celebrity-seeking, delusional, saddo, mental cases who think they can sing when they can't and uses the public as a filter to harvest the odd individual who does show some promise, who he then exploits for his own gain. A Knight used to be someone who championed the principles of truth, integrity, humility, self-sacrifice, honour and service. If Simon Cowell's a Knight, I'm a goddamn Chinaman!!! (2011)

How bright do they need to be? I'm not fucking blind but I'm rendered temporarily sun-blind when some cunt in a new Audi gets in my rearview mirror.(2010)

I'm sick to death of Health & Safety running my life and this is just one small aspect of the ridiculous way it's changing everything.....If I'm dumb enough to walk into a spinning propeller then I'm no loss to the gene pool and wearing a high viz jacket won't help. EVERYONE seems to want to wear one of these things these days - I once counted the number of people wearing high-viz on our local High Street one Saturday morning and there were 38. 38!! - street cleaners, traffic wardens, people walking their dogs, some bloke collecting all the shopping trolleys, cripples in electric shopping carts, telephone engineers, window cleaners, people with clipboards doing consumer resaearch etc, etc. When the sun reflected off all these bastards, I was nearly blinded! What's wrong with these people? Some of them seem to think that the wearing of one of these jackets makes them invulnerable and bulletproof. Others (even worse) seem to think that it makes them look important or official. I'd ban the lot. On the other hand, I wish I'd been the one to invent them..... I'd be a fucking billionaire! (2011)

Men should be banned from wearing shorts anywhere but the field of play, the beach or the swimming pool. I cannot fathom why, when the clocks go forward, so many men don shorts and insist on exhibiting their white, hairy, knobbly knees or their fat, varicose-vein threaded calves. Men's legs are UGLY and should be covered up at all times. The combo of shorts and sandals is even worse - most men's feet are as much of a disgrace as their horrible legs. Incredibly, the trend towards wearing shorts appears to be on the increase - we've even got postmen wearing shorts now as part of their uniform. Am I the only sane person left in this World? If this continues, I'm going to have to poke my eyes out! (2012)

How come this happens to me so often? Maybe it's my fault? Perhaps I'm saying too much, using proper grammar and being too honest in my messages. Mobile and internet technology is an 'always on' medium. Someone who doesn't look at their e-mails for a fortnight needs to get with it. What they really mean is they can't be bothered replying. Similarly texts (or should I say txts?). If I get a text, I look at it within about 10 seconds. If my reply is delayed, it's only because I'm thinking carefully about how to reply. Not replying is simply rude. Even "Fuck off, I don't want to talk to you" would be more considerate than leaving the poor bastard (me) who's sent the text wondering if (a) it got through (b) it wasn't received in the the tone it was intended and has pissed off the recipient (c) the recipient has changed numbers/lost their phone/has been abducted by aliens (d) doesn't want to communicate and wishes they'd never met me. Rather than the turmoil of turning over (a) to (d) in my head, I'd honestly sooner have a "Fuck off".

I always thought I was a bit of a loner and could take or leave other people but it turns out I'm a group animal like the rest of the World. When I ask a question or contact someone, I expect to solicit a response of some sort.

I now await a plethora of "Fuck off"s by e-mail and text (2013)

The World's full of 'em. I try never to be one (and I almost succeed, most of the time, but sadly, not all the time)

Why are there so many people around who profess to be better than they are? I much prefer people who are self-deprecating and then surprise everyone with what they can do rather than boast about ability and then fall short when the pressure's on. I've been quite lucky really as I'm not bad - even better than average (although there's nothing wrong with being average) - at most things. However, most of that is genetic rather than anything I should be self-congratulatory about. The things I'm really proud of are the ones where I've less than average ability but I persevere (stubborn is my middle name!) but I hope that I enthuse about these things rather than boast about them.

Sometimes, we could all do to eat a slice of humble pie. Take a visit to Christie's Cancer hospital or a local Hospice and have a look around. You very quickly realise that most of our achievements are worth shit in the bigger picture.(2011)

I've actually no problem with people with money.It's not resentment. I've got a bit myself and I know a lot of wealthy people but, almost without exception, the ones who have worked for it are actually quite humbled and unaffected by their wealth. They know only too well that it could have gone either way and that success and the financial rewards are 70% down to luck and only 30% down to effort.To prove the point, I also know a lot of people who work in a 100% committed way and still haven't got a pot to piss in.

The bastards I really hate are the ones who want special treatment and think they're a cut above the rest of us because they've inherited Daddy's money. The 'born-with-a-silver-spoon-in-their-mouths', double-barrelled named, inbred fuckwits. The aristocracy, the royals, the celebrities, the footballers and WAG types are all a waste of fucking space. We should round them all up and pack 'em off to a different planet. See how they cope when they need someone to unblock their toilet!

29.9% APR when bank base rate is 0.5% is extortion which is tantamount to back-street money lending. The credit card companies are ALL utter bastards! (2009)

and traffic cops. Is that really the job they wanted to do when they grew up?

The years are passing just too damn quickly. I'm 25 in my head but the body's somewhat more mature and the gym sessions are beginning to prove the Law of Diminishing Returns! There's never a vampire around when you need one to give you a quick nibble and immortality.(2008)

They're not heroes, they're just playing games. A hero is someone who goes into a burning building to rescue someone or who dives into the ocean to save someone who's drowning without any thought for their own safety .... not some overpriced fuckwit who can curve a ball or hit a boundary. On the World stage, the Brits are actually not very good at anything sporting so when someone looks a bit better than average, they're feted and idolised. Millions of sports fans walk around with replica shirts bearing their 'hero's' name on their back (and, inexplicably, the sponsor's advertising on the front) and inevitably the hero in question gets a gong in the Queen's Honours list. It's so ludicrous it drives me mad. There are lots of true unsung heroes in life.We should start concentrating on the meaningful rather than the superficial or we might as well elect Wayne Rooney as Prime Minister. (2010)

There's lots more that I hate. I've just not had the time to write it all down yet but I will do soon....